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As I type this my 4-year-old son is sitting beside me. He has a cold and a slight fever, but all he has said today since he woke up six hour ago is "I'm better now. I'm all better." How much can our attitude change how we cope with a chronic illness and even make us happy? Everyone handles the troubles in their lives in assortment of ways. While some people put on a happy face and intentionally decide they will use their illness as an opportunity, others will drive home from the physician's office anxious about how much longer they will be able to drive because of the seriousness of the pain. They'll lie down on the couch and not leave the house for years. Why do some people thrive even though they have a chronic illness while others simply go into survival mode, even using the illness as an excuse for everything that goes wrong in their life? People who live with an illness and still radiate happiness and joyfulness for life have some things in common. None of us cope with our illness perfectly, so even if we tend to deal with it well, there is likely a tip below that we could use to improve our outlook on life. Happy people who live with illness have the following in common: [1] They possess hope. Research has shown that hope actually increases the speed at which people recover from surgery. Hope is vital and a necessary step in finding contentment despite our circumstances. The 2006 theme of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week was "My illness is invisible but my hope shines through." We all should live with this attitude. [2] They persevere and keep going no matter what. Living with a chronic illness is painful! Emotionally, physically, and spiritually it has the ability to quickly drain our strength and spirit. Our health is one of the main things we depend on to help us conquer our dreams, even referring to the saying, "At least you have your health!" But people who live with chronic pain and still are happy have learned to persist in reaching for their dreams, or even re-examining their dreams in order to create new ones. At times, the news goals can be more exhausting than the original ones, but passion can create a lot of adrenaline. [3] They are good advocates when it comes to their health. Paul J. Donoghue and Mary E. Siegel, authors of "Sick and Tired of Feeling Sick and Tired," write "Getting this help in a consistently satisfying manner is as essential as it is challenging. You will need perseverance, courage and skill. You will need to understand your needs and be committed to getting them" (p. 160). People who feel like they are part of the decision making process regarding their care and treatment, and who actively seek out doctors who partner with them, are more happy than those who feel out of control. For example, it's important to have a medical team that will understand your desire to have children, and will give you the best treatment if you decide to go forward with this, rather than punish you by giving you poor care. [4] People who are happy don't claim the victim role, in fact, they tend to ask, "Why not me?" rather than "Why me?" To fashion this attitude may take effort if it doesn't come naturally. But a lot of these people get involved in different organizations that serve people. And when one is around others who live with illness, cancer, or who have left abusive homes, they quickly understand that this world is not a perfect place. When things are going pretty well in their lives, they recognize it as a blessing, not a right. [5] They have a strong foundation of who they are, shielding them from taking things too personally. Having a strong faith can make this much easier because one understands that her value and worth as a person doesn't depend on what she can accomplish with her physical strength. She learns what she is responsible for (like an attitude) and not (like an infection that keeps returning). This can help avoid having unnecessary guilt for things out of her control. [6] They communicate well. Being able to talk to others and explain your feelings, learning to listen effectively, and watching one's words carefully, can prevent a lot of problems. Hurt feelings, misunderstandings and arguments can impact your entire life and your body's abilities to cope with an illness. One must learn to control bitterness and focus on healthy relationships. Happy people know when to talk and how much to share about their personal lives. They learn how to speak with grace. [7] They legitimately care about other people. Though no one wants to attend the "university of chronic illness" for their education, people who are happy allow their experiences to be a gift of knowledge. They can share successes and struggles with others. They are able to utilize their experiences as a way to help a friend or become a mentor. One secret of finding true happiness is to look outside of ourselves and reach out to other people. J.K. Rowling, author, once said, "It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." This quote is perhaps one of the most wonderful examples of a good attitude for those with chronic illness.
By: Lisa Copen
Get a free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen when you signup for HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of Invisible Illness Awareness
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