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If your wife has a chronic illness, chances are romance is the last thing on her mind. Too often illness creates physical pain, weight gain or loss, bloating and even feeling less than a woman if she's had to give up everything from her career to her lingerie. Be assured that you are not alone. Nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA live with a chronic illness and so many marriages are impacted. Unfortunately, nearly seventy-five percent of them end in divorce when an illness is that "third party" in the marriage. So! Can you get the spark back? Yes! Here are some creative romantic gift ideas and ways to say, "I love you." Go ahead and buy her that box of chocolate, but if she is watching her weight, don't ruin her diet. Instead find some Russell Stover's sugar free chocolate at your local Target or even the pharmacy. Chocolate, along with coconut, pecans, and many more, all contain phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that produces the feeling of "being in love." Good place to start, don't you think? Be affectionate by simply reaching for her hand. Yes, I know you're hoping for more than holding hands, but if she's in physical pain it's going to take some real romance on your part to distract her from pain and get her refocused on you. Rub her back (gently!), cuddle, snuggle and don't pressure her for more. Pretty soon she'll be reaching out to you. Pour out your heart about how much you admire the strength she shows in the darkest moments. Let her know you know that living with illness is difficult and that you are blessed to be married to someone with so much character and joy. Remind her that you love her and are in it "in sickness and in health." Give her an indulgence of something she wouldn't buy herself, especially something to lighten up her mood on days when she isn't feeling well. Get her the DVD her favorite movie from high school, or a cozy new down comforter for her bed. Give her a getaway. In short, take the kids out of the house an entire day and don't say anything when you come home at 4 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas. Write her little love notes and hide them around the house. Or give her a romantic card and write in it, cover one whole panel with your own words. Being romantic at home isn't hard. Purchase a fondue pot and tell her that you will bring home something to dip every Wednesday night so you two can sit and have a conversation over candlelight (and cheese, chocolate, marshmallow, etc.) Are you having troubles starting up some romantic conversations? Buy a book about conversation starters or fill a jar with topics. Do a search online for "romantic conversation starters." Let her know that you know atmosphere is important. Send her in to take a bath and light some of the new flameless candles (you can go to sleep without worry). Make up a play list of her favorite romantic songs on your ipod. Get goofy and throw some rose petals around and see how she responds. It's no surprise that women are complicated beings and rarely can you read her mind to know exactly what she needs and when she needs it. So be sure to just ask her outright. "What is on your mind most these days? How can I help you around the house more? What can I do to communicate just how much I love you?" When you make an effort to increase the romance in the relationship, chances are she will notice and appreciate the effort so much you may not get a chance to finish that book on romancing your wife, because she may be ready for some romance. And don't forget, doing the dishes or the laundry can be the best way to your wife's heart.
By: Lisa Copen
Get a free list of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen, just subscribe to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa founded of Invisible Illness Awareness
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