Divorce - The Costs Go Beyond The Financial

Despite the images that are sometimes portrayed in the media, a divorce can be a bitter experience even if the parties involved are fairly friendly through the process. Should there be kids involved in the crossfire, the experience of a divorce can be made even worse. Children can be left feeling like there is something missing with the breakdown of their family structure, ultimately resulting in many children having feelings of being abandoned and left by their parents. Other more severe emotional concerns can crop up later in life as a result of a divorce as well for children.

The costs to the people involved in terms of emotional scarring and breakdowns can far exceed the financial impact that is felt by the participants in a divorce. Children can bear the brunt of that emotional scarring. In many cases, it can also be difficult for fathers emotionally, as their children can be isolated from them, making it tough not only to be active in their lives as a dad but also to connect with the children if there is still some contact.

For the mother, a divorce can often feel like the heaping on of additional responsibility that wasn't as big of an issue with two parents. The child rearing now being almost squarely on her shoulders, a mother can often feel broken down and emotionally overstretched, as her children now rely on her for support and love almost exclusively in many cases. Children can feel alienated as a result of not being nurtured enough.

Children, as stated before, often bear the brunt of the divorce's costs despite not being directly involved. A marriage that disintegrates without much friendliness between the parents can leave the children having misguided resentment against them for dissolving the family. Additionally, the children can lack the maturity to deal with the divorce properly, which can lead to a stunting of coping skill development.

Children can often feel like they are responsible for a divorce and can then take the stress of the events on themselves as well. This can leave children feeling like they cannot be part of a stable relationship in a friendship sense or, later in adolescence, in a romantic sense. Social situations will also tend to be skewed and seem like they are not conducive to the child being involved, which can further hurt their development.

If the divorce has occurred by one partner being unfaithful to the other then this can leave the other partner with feelings of rejection, mistrust and doubts about self image that often carry on into further relationships. Whilst the unfaithful partner has feelings of guilt they inflict an emotional scar on their loved one that may never heal.

Whilst no-one ever really enters a marriage with the intention of divorce it is a real world reality with one in every three marriages breaking down.The most important factor is that it is done as amicably as possible. There are no winners(apart from lawyers!) in a breakup of a marriage and it is important to be reasonable.

Divorce can be a way to end a bad relationship and begin a better partnership with another person that could last for the rest of your life. Although divorce isn't an easy thing to approach or go through with, it can be done without too much in the way of ill effects to the parties involved. If it is done properly, a divorce can be a way for two people to move on with their lives with minimal emotional impact on themselves and their families.

By: Alex Archer

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