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My husband was 25 and I was 20 years of age it's enough to make you want to take a walk down the aisle with our baby 7 months old bumped between us. Who would have thought that we'd end up 5 kids and 18 years later still together? Alas! My husband and I not have been married a very long time like other people. Along the way, we discovered some common concepts or keys that across marriages we have known to be successful - think, 30, 40, 50 years. Let me allow sharing them with you. My husband and I may not have been married as long as others but, along the way, we discovered that there are some common concepts that cut across marriages we have known to be successful-think of it about 30's,40's or 50's. The relationship has to be based on mutual respect, common purpose, and trust. Both parties need to identify what they want out of life and then continue that dialogue throughout their marriage. It doesn't take that much time, but it does take focus, and patience. 1. Whole individuals make whole marriages. First and foremost, get to know yourself first and work out becoming a whole, a happy person. Making compromises and sacrifices is one of the keys to happy marriages. While much communication in strong families is spontaneous - "We talk while we do chores together" or "We talk anytime we're together" - some strong families plan a certain time each day for the entire family to be together to talk. Knowing yourself, is a hard to accomplish task; to look deeply in the mirror and see the person you have become through your life choices. Most of us are conscious of the physical aspects of a person i.e. the exterior form. Every person has a different soul and temperament. The physical aspects of people may look alike, but there are very few with whom our souls meet. Expose yourself to ideas and experiences that will help you evolve, develop your self-esteem. 2. Love is a decision and a DOING WORD. This thing can attract men plus women. "Love is not a feeling. It's a decision" Steven Coveys says: Love is a DOING word. It requires choices. It actually combines the two present aspect of what it means to really LOVE. Love as a decision. It is a statement that reminds couples to love the person, not the behavior. Many people do not see why a person would have to make the decision to love since they made that decision many years ago when they said yes to one another on their wedding day. It is normal in married life to have periods of romance and disillusionment. Both can attract men and women. LOVE IS a daily decision, a choice to Love or not to Love. Love is a doing word. Love is bigger than emotions, thoughts, attitudes, and experiences. Love is a verb. The guts and grit of love are centered in our actions and deeds. Love runs deeper than mere emotions. Its current cuts deeply into our thoughts and captures our imagination. We deeply yearn for that feeling of being in love. No doubt about that. That's part of love's power. It can leap over our thoughts and capture our hearts. This can easily attract men plus women. But what does the world know of the kind of love that the Bible defines anyway? Should it surprise me that the dictionary definition is so far removed from what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? I wonder if older dictionaries ever acknowledged the doing side of love? Is this dangerous limitation of the English concept of love a modern phenomenon? It requires commitment. It's about faithfulness. "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails." 3. Communication. Of course, that is the first thing to do. People have a misconception of what communication is. They think that's simply talking. Communicate with your spouse. Regular dialogue, quick conversations during the day or debriefing at night will keep the lines of communication open. Verbalize your differences. You and your partner will not always get along. There will be deviations because it is a natural happening for all couples 4. It's not me, it's WE. Once they enter into a relationship, they are no longer just two individuals but one. Life and personality of its own and must be treated. In marriage conflict is often it may cause by a clashed of individuals. Even if your marriage is headed toward separation or divorce, most marriage counselors are also experienced in handling these issues. Friendly support and advice can feel like life savers at this time of crisis. It can be a mistake for husband or wife to try to hang on to the marriage because of fear of exiting into a lonely, loveless existence. Separation and divorce can be a chance to build a new and improved life in the face of irreconcilable differences. You will be able to develop a healthy relationship that will last a lifetime. Numerous other tips and guidelines couples can learn from to improve their marriages but I find these 4 will serve them through the years.
By: Carmela R. King
Carmela King is a team member of SaveMyMarriageToday.com. She and her husband is just one of the many couples who almost got divorced. The lessons taught by the site help them save their marriage their and this prompted her to join their team. She's now spreading the word to help other couples who are in the same situation.
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