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Sibling Rivalry Might Look Scary But Are Really Normal

Sibling rivalry is found in most families and is not uncommon. Dont stress when your kids fight and argue amongst themselves, it is part of the growing process. This does not always happen in every family but it does happen a lot.

As long as the children have a good relationship and seem otherwise happy, it is nothing to worry about. If sibling rivalry causes unhappiness in a child, this should be dealt with. Ignoring it will not make it go away and it could cause your child problems when it comes to making and maintaining relationships with others in the future.

Reasons for jealousy, sibling rivalry and provocation include:

Jealousy or aggressive personalities

A shortage of self-esteem

Very little social skills

People who have low self esteem are often unhappy with themselves and are in search of validation others. This is especially true family members. As they attempt to find this validation they can become extremely envious of others around them. A person in this situation who also lacks social skills may act up when they are with siblings. He or she may also be provoked easily which is the main cause of sibling rivalry.

Ways to deal with sibling rivalry

The solution to dealing with unhealthy sibling rivalries is to do so indirectly if you can. Dealing directly means you risk alienation by seeming to take sides. This can result in the child feeling victimized, blaming you and becoming withdrawn or aggressive.

Tips on dealing with sibling rivalry:

Make sure the child has plenty of attention, love and support.

Spend extra time with child that is having difficulty fitting in. Uses time to boost the childs self esteem and make this child feel important.

Evaluate the causes of this childs unhappiness.

Encourage your child to talk to you, but dont yell because this will have the opposite effect on the child.

After difficult situations have blown over discuss them with the child and ask if the child was watching their friends have the same disagreement what advice would they give their friends?

Discuss the situation with your childs teacher at school and other adults that work with this child. Keep in mind the amount of experience that school teachers have with children your childs teacher may be able to assist you in coming up with the plan to help your child.

If needed, you can visit a child psychologist just for information (dont bring the child along).

Provocation and jealousy can start at any age but usually occurs during childhood when the child is creating his identity. It might also start in puberty, adolescence or adulthood, depending on the individual situation. If the child is young, it is easier to find a solution and deal with it. Once your child has grown up and left home, he might not want your advice.

Sibling Rivalries in adulthood

If your adult child is having trouble with a sibling and this is disrupting the family, intervention is recommended. Here are some possible interventions:

In a group discussion discuss possible solutions to the sibling rivalry problems. The key is to remain impartial and non judgmental.

You might want to get a third party, perhaps a close friend or spouse, to talk to your child.

You should have a person talk to both of the siblings separately to help with the problem.

Talk to the sibling that is willing to take the advice. That way this sibling can stop the argument.

Building self-esteem in a child is not easy, even more if you have let things get too carried away. Keep working through it and dont give up. Some of the most happy and successful people out there have a hard life of bad sibling relationships growing up but they got it all worked out in the end, so if you really try and truly make an effort you will work it out.