The Challenges Facing The 21st Century Parent

If there's one thing that every parent has had to learn the hard way, through experience, it is this - that parents are always wrong. Whatever we choose to do as parents, a friends' parents are doing differently, or whatever we think is good advice to follow today, was scrapped by everyone else yesterday. Being a parent is hard work, and after all those childhood years resenting our own parents and vowing that we would do things so much better if only given the chance, we are now well aware that we are the very parents that we vowed we'd try not to be as children. It might well be the case that we're not making the same mistakes as our parents, but we're excellent at making whole rafts of new ones to make life interesting for ourselves and our children.

Of course, today the world in which our children are growing up is a very different one to our own childhood experiences. With computer technology and the rapid development and integration of the internet into daily life, our children are placed in situations far removed from anything we could have imagined. With friends on the other side of the planet that they have never met, but know intimate secrets about, and evenings spent in front of their monitor, in rapt attention, attempting to rescue the Lost Artefact from the Tomb of Al'Kqaar, or chatting away to the other members of their guild in order to bring down the mighty Fargore, we as parents can only sit back and wonder. And don't worry - you're not the only parent to scratch their head and wonder what it's all about.

Of course, no one is going to suggest that simply because we are the generation of parents that we somehow lost all ability to cope with life in the 21st century - we can, most of us, use a computer perfectly well, and see it as a handy tool for sending emails, looking stuff up on the internet, maybe even creating letters or a graph. But perhaps it's simply who we are as a generation, but the appeal of posting our intimate secrets on the internet for the whole globe to see is lost on us. We shred any personal documents or bank statements before burying them deep within the depths of our bins, and hate the idea of photographs of us being owned by anyone. Yet our children seem quite happy to publish embarrassing photographs and stories for all to see. They talk about friends, but have never met them, and this even challenges our definition of friend. To us, a friend is someone we are close to, hang out with, and spend time with. Our children's friends seem to be distant, with the only interaction taking place in a virtual world.

Few of us can have missed the numerous stories on the news about children who go missing after meeting up with someone on the internet. The statistics are grim, and the reality is clearly that there are predators who use the internet as a way of accessing children. It's easy to view the computer as the problem, as the cause of danger, and the temptation is to remove its presence from the home entirely.

But the truth is that it is not the computer which is dangerous, and the internet is not an enemy or something dark and subterranean that we should, or could, avoid. Every day we take many risks that could potentially endanger our lives. We drive a tonne of metal at sixty miles an hour just feet from other lumps of metal coming the other way, and accept this as perfectly normal. We stand far more chance of being killed driving on the road than we do of encountering danger on the internet. The difference is both in perception, and understanding. We perceive danger in the internet largely because of a lack of understanding, but because we understand the nature of the risks of driving, we see less danger. We wouldn't drive on the motorway blindfolded, because we'd almost certainly be killed. Being voluntarily blinded to the risks of the internet not only increases our perception of the danger, but the actual level of risk involved.

What are the dangers or risks involved in using the internet, or computers, and exactly what can we as parents do to try to ensure that our children can enjoy using this amazing resource, whilst at the same time staying as safe as possible? The key to safety is understanding - whatever it is you're doing. Whether it's driving on the motorway, parachuting or flying to the moon, the more you understand the risks, the less risk you'll be taking. By understanding what it is that your children are doing, and knowing what they mean by avatars, profiles, chat rooms, messenger programs and online games, you will be able to share your child's experiences much more, and help them to use the internet more safely. The more we can work with our children to encourage them to use the technology in a positive way, but understanding the dangers and risks, the more chance we have of helping to ensure their safety, enabling them to decide themselves on the level of risk.

We spend time as parents teaching our children about 'stranger danger', and make sure they understand not to interact with anyone they don't know. They have it drummed in to them from an early age that they should not talk to strangers, go off with them, accept lifts or sweets or invitations, and that if they suspect anything is wrong, run back home or to safety straight away and tell someone. This same policy and understanding is often lacking online. The strangers are still there, most of whom are perfectly decent, but many are sadly using the anonymity of the internet to hide behind fake profiles. Our children understand about strangers in the street or park. But online, people aren't strangers. They have photos, names, hobbies, backgrounds, families and favourite music. The fact that these profiles may be entirely fake seems to pass our children by.

There are other methods besides education which can be used, such as filtering software, monitoring software to record all chat logs, and software that can limit or restrict either the websites accessed or the times at which they can be accessed. Not allowing computers in the bedroom is another good tactic - if the computer is somewhere public, such as the living room, then it is less likely that your child will take risks, and it gives you the parent the chance to have a look at what they're doing, express an interest, and learn more about the world they live in. Your child is more likely to talk to you about what they're doing if you seem interested. Whilst restrictions, software and spy-like monitoring can help, at the end of the day, it has to be about your relationship with them, and the real world communication that takes place.

By: Russell M. Stewart

There are lots of parents blogs on the internet and some offer very useful information on everything to do with kids. From advice on illness, nightmares, education and lots more. Take a look, from kids to teens, great stuff.

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